"I" - Wanting Something More

"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am." - John Newton

 "I" is a term we, the general population, use heavily. Looking back on papers that I have written for high school and college, I have found that writing without the word "I" sounds lifeless and academic (not a bad thing in those settings of course). However, I also found that, as I looked at previous blog posts and I thought about my daily interaction with people, that "I" is the most common word that I say. This would make since as I know the more about myself and my experiences than anyone else and I know what I have lived through and, thus, can share it. It would also make since because everyone likes to talk about themselves at some level. However, many people wants to hear only about themselves. If this is the way I come across to the general public, if I talk only about myself, how is the general public hearing about God from me? They aren't.

After realizing that "I" is a very large commonly used, one-letter-word in my vocabulary, I wondered what it would be like to cut out the word "I" for a day. Instead, if every time I wanted to talk about myself, I talked about God what would happen? God would work wonders through me and shine His light through me.


I will try this tomorrow, 12/19/2011; I will not talk about me... I hope this works....



"I" Papers
Okie-Booklady Blog

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, I know."

I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."

I said, "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, I saw mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."

I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light."

I said, "God, it hurts."
And God said, I know."

Posted on the wall at the
Oklahoma City bombing site
by K. C. and Myke Kuzmic
Stockton, CA

Zoe Life

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life." - Steve Jobs

Death is guaranteed in life. But which form of life do I refer to? Death is guaranteed in, to use the Greek words, bios and suki. Bios is the life that is measurable. For instance, possessions are a reflection of a measurable thing. Suki is the life of our goals and values. Theses to will pass with our earthly death. However, there is another type of life in Greek: Zoe. Zoe is everlasting and eternal (αιώνιον) life like that in John 6:47. 

I can guarantee this truth: Every believer has eternal life. - John 6:47

Without God, everlasting life would not exist. Still, we, as humans, cannot wrap our minds around that which is infinite and everlasting. We cannot wrap our minds around the infinite gift of eternal life that God gave us when Jesus died on the cross for our sins.

This past Sunday, OneLife Church started a series called "unwrapped." It spoke about the heart of Christ and that He had and has a giving heart. I realized that even though I do not understand the eternal gift that God has given me, I should have a giving heart like Christ. I also realized that I do not.

My mother is an individual who would give the shirt off her back to help those in need. She expects nothing in return, not even love. I may criticize her on her relationship or walk with Christ, but she reflect the heart of God more than I do. I do not have a heart that judges in a gracious and giving light, only one that thinks "where did they get the sharpy and cardboard to make that sign" as I pass beggars on the street. This doesn't reflect the heart of the One that I serve or the Lord that I believe in.

The Lord has changed much about me in the past year; still, I must change further. I need to turn away from my cold heart and judgement and reflect the Lord in which I serve. I must completely destroy myself and let Him rebuild me from the inside out. The thing I wish to remain is why work-ethic, but if the Lord sees fit that that must change, He is in control of my life and He will make the change occur within me.

The gift that keeps on giving is one in which I do not understand: Eternal Life.

Power of God - 1 Corinthians 1

We humans think that, because of Science, we know everything. We think that because we can think, reason, and travel in space that we are superior and have superior knowledge. Just because we have the power to reason, doesn't mean that power doesn't come from God.

Einstein himself said that "it is better to believe in a higher power then to stand before Him in the end and to have not believed." A brilliant man still understood he knew nothing. Though he didn't boast in God, he did not boast in himself. In 1 Corinthians, Paul explains just that in his letter to the church in Corinth. As you can read below, Paul states that God will discard our most brilliant ideas and show them to be useless nonsense. Though His way is different from what we want, those who are drawn to Him will believe and find the power that His might power brings.

Paul also says that the the the weakest, most "foolish" things that God could do is still better than the strongest, wisest thing that a human could do. Because of this, He will take the weakest, poorest individuals to show His mighty power to the world so that the world may know that He is King and reigns over all the Earth. Therefore, we should not boast of our might, or our intelligence. We should rather boast in the Lord our God in His might. Go out to others as individuals who are tools to God and the Holy Spirit. When God places His loving burden on their and our hearts, that is when they and we will follow the one true God, not before. We can lead a horse to water, but we cannot make him drink!

To know you know nothing is freedom!

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18 I know very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. 19 As the Scriptures say, "I will destroy human wisdom and discard their most brilliant ideas." 20 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. 21 Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe. 22 God's way seems foolish to the Jews because they want a sign from heaven to prove it is true. And it is foolish to the Greeks because they believe only what agrees with their own wisdom. 23 So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended, and the Gentiles say it's all nonsense. 24 But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the mighty power of God and the wonderful wisdom of God. 25 This "foolish" plan of God is far wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God's weakness is far stronger than the greatest of human strength. 26 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. 27 Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. 28 God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, 29 so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God. 30 God alone made it possible for you to be in Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Christ to be wisdom itself. He is the one who made us acceptable to God. He made us pure and holy, and he gave himself to purchase our freedom. 31 As the Scriptures say, "The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done." 1 Dear brothers and sisters, when I first came to you I didn't use lofty words and brilliant ideas to tell you God's message. 2 For I decided to concentrate only on Jesus Christ and his death on the cross. 3 I came to you in weakness -- timid and trembling. 4 And my message and my preaching were very plain. I did not use wise and persuasive speeches, but the Holy Spirit was powerful among you. 5 I did this so that you might trust the power of God rather than human wisdom. (1 Corinthians 1:18-31 & 1 Corinthians 2: 1-5, NLT)

Faith

Have you ever felt like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and nothing can help you? Have you ever felt like nothing you do will make the situation better? Have you ever felt that there is no way something can be done? For all of these things, God is the answer.

By no means does this mean that if you believe and follow God that everything will work out your way, it means that you will always have an Abba Father to stand beside you and to comfort you in your troubles.

17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18 But even if he doesn't, Your Majesty can be sure that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."- Daniel 3: 17-18

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Daniel 3 is an amazing chapter in the Bible about the king Nebuchadnezzar and how Shadrach, Mashach and Abed-nego would not bow to an idol. Instead they would rather be thrown into the Blazing Furnace than worship anyone other than their God. As they were given this ultimatum, they stated 17-18 to Nebuchadnezzar and were thrown into the furnace. Once in the flames, Nebuchadnezzar saw that there were not just the three men in the furnace that he placed there, but also a fourth man; this man was Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ saved them as they walked out of the blazing furnace, and all were never to speak against God. 

To think of what those three, brave men did in the face of fear. They stood against a king when all others bowed before an idol and stood, in faith, with God. They trusted God to save them, to rescue them, and He did. But even if He didn't, they would still never have worshiped anyone or anything other than the one true God. 

Is your faith like so many others? Is is just to protect you from hell or would it stand in the face of death? 

If you don't have faith, I encourge you to read the following:

• Daniel 3
• Hebrews 11
• Matthew, Mark, Luke and John (The Gospels).  

Daniel 3 speaks to what I have written in this blog post, and Hebrews 11 speaks to faith in general. Faith is so much more than believing in what you cannot see, it is trusting in God. It is trusting that God will provide for you in any circumstance, and even if He doesn't to still believe that He is there with you and will provide for you in any circumstance. 


This is the kind of faith that I strive for. I am not perfect, no-one is; however, I want to always strive to have a relationship with Christ, not just a "hi-bye" relationship where I only call on Him when I'm in need. This is my struggle, my desire and my faith, what's yours?

Glorify God

1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. 2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.- Proverbs 27:1-2

43 for they loved praise from men more than praise from God. - John 12:43

As I stated in the previous post (Never Enough), we should not care what other thinks of us, yet it is better for other people to praise us, than ourselves. When I said that I will only care about what God or I think of me, I got it wrong. I should only care what God thinks of me, because I am made of sin as others are and I will judge my actions through justification as opposed to the condition of my heart as God will judge me. This life is not about other people but about glorifying God. At a devotional group I attend every Wednesday, a girl named Brooke stated the most life changing statement I have heard to date:  "does this action, no matter how small, glorify God?" If you happen to see a piece of paper on the floor and don't pick it up, how did that action glorify God? I doesn't, it shows laziness (something attacked heavily in Proverbs) and a lack of care about what God has provide you with in this world. The image we want to possess in regard to those around us, the facade that we want to uphold, is only as strong as our relationship with God. When we want to glorify Him and only Him, people will hate you, get used to it. "You cannot serve two masters" has more than one meaning. It not only means money, but self image, others, work, family, self preservation, or anything else in this world that is not Him. 

Never Enough

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

For every time I have said that I was never enough for someone else, I have only hindered myself more. I say this because the question is not if you are good enough for people; the question is are you good enough for yourself and God.  


When it comes down to it, you know who you ultimately want to be. You know who you are now, and you know that you are far from what you want to be (or at least most of us have this feeling). I cannot express to you everything that I want to change about myself; however, those things I want to change make me approachable to someone else. They allow me to speak to others when they need it most. They allow me to understand where others are coming from. Do I still not like those things about myself, of course! I still want to change those things for the better because stagnation will get me nowhere! When I am comfortable with where I'm at in life, this is when it needs to change. Only fools and wise men never change and to say that you are wise makes you a fool because a wise man knows he knows nothing. Thus, I must change, I must have a constant change in my life. Because of that change, I will always be enough in that moment for what I am supposed to be. 


I want a closer relationship to God, one that is exponentially growing. I do not want that relationship to sit idle while I continue on a path that will lead to destruction. A path that I think is the right road may lead to death; thus, I must focus on the one, true God and make that, always, the focus of my life. I do not want this relationship to be stagnate as those from my younger years were. Those relationships grew apart, they are no longer friends, significant others, or acquaintances, they are just a distant memory. This cannot be my relationship with God! My relationship with Him should be ever increasing, ever stronger, and eternal. Thus, the only way I am "never enough" is if I let my relationship with God become stagnate by only worrying about the people who can only do so much damage in this life time. If I let the people in my life rule my relationship with God, if I let other things become more important, if I let my anger, pride, inability to let go of stupid competitive characteristics, or having to be right come in between that relationship, then, and only then, am I not good enough. I must remember that individuals that surround me do not help me in the end, only God can help me, yet he will judge not only my actions, but my heart as well. I must focus on God and become good enough for Him, not you.

If I can talk to others everyday, I can talk to God

Hesitation

Where in life do you hesitate? Is it at work before you hand your boss the big project you been working on hoping it is correct? Is it at school as you write the essay or fill in the bubble hoping it is the right answer? Do you hesitate with your family wondering if you should tell them about how you may lose your job? Do you hesitate around your children thinking that you have to be the best example for them and to keep them sheltered so they do not know the evil in the world? Do you hesitate with God?

To hesitate, as defined by Webster’s Dictionary is as follows:

Definition of HESITATE

1: to hold back in doubt or indecision

2: to delay momentarily: pause

I find that, in my life, I hesitate in relationships. I wonder if I’m making the right decisions in regards to the type of relationships I have with certain individuals. I wonder if my relationship with God is strong enough to make it through the roughest circumstances; would I be like Job? I wonder if I am a good example for those who are searching for hope, love, and faith around me. I wonder if I am making disciples who make disciples or if I am just talking in one ear and out the other. I wonder if what I say matters or if it could change a life. I wonder if what I say affects my relationships in a negative way – what would happen if I talk about God around this person, what would they think? My hesitation come from fear; fear of not being good enough.

1 After this, Paul left Athens and went to Corinth. 2 There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, who had recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla, because Claudius had ordered all the Jews to leave Rome. Paul went to see them, 3 and because he was a tentmaker [leather worker] as they were, he stayed and worked with them.4 Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks. 5 When Silas and Timothy came from Macedonia, Paul devoted himself exclusively to preaching, testifying to the Jews that Jesus was the Christ. 6 But when the Jews opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, "Your blood be on your own heads! I am clear of my responsibility. From now on I will go to the Gentiles." 7 Then Paul left the synagogue and went next door to the house of Titius Justus, a worshiper of God. 8 Crispus, the synagogue ruler, and his entire household believed in the Lord; and many of the Corinthians who heard him believed and were baptized. 9 One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: "Do not [stop] be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. 10 For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." (Acts 18: 1-10)

To the man that many believe to be just like Peter, a rock, God saw his fear: his hesitation. Paul in his daily life (work- not just a disciple, but a leather worker-, church, and his neighborhood) spoke the word of God, yet he was afraid of something for God to speak to it. However, in verses 9 and 10, God gives Paul comfort with three commands and three promises:

1.                   Do not [stop] be afraid	For I am with you
2.                   Keep on speaking	And no one is going to attack and harm you
3.                   Do not be silent	Because many people in this city belong to me

God tells us not to worry about what might happen and who will say or do what, He says continue to speak about Him. We are designed to speak His name in praise and to make disciples who make disciples. This does not mean make a clone of you!! This means make people who are so fired up about God that they have to share what God is doing in their life to everyone else.

Do not be afraid is said more than 70 times in the Bible. Do not be afraid for God is with you! Inspire others to not hesitate and realize that there is no need to hesitate for fear of anything in this world. This world will pass and you will pass also, God is forever and eternity. Cling to Him and care not what this world can do to you. Though it is easier said than done (trust me, I know) we must reach to God as He holds on to us.  

Caring

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” -  Leo F. Buscaglia

Humans go through so much on a daily bases. Many of us know how to hide the daily struggles that we face and put on an indifferent facade to the world. We can go through life just getting by to make it to the end and say that we've lived; however, there is much more than what is shown on the surface. 

Like an Ice Burg, we only shows a small fraction of who we are, what we think, and how we feel. The things that we don't show can weigh us down more until we really don't want to show the world any of who we really are at all. Because we, as humans, are just like Ice Burgs, we should take care to realize that others are just as much in pain, turmoil, lust, fear, love, hate, thought, dismay, and guilt as the rest of us. If we remember that someone may have it worse than ourselves, we may realize that the house that doesn't have a pool is better than a card board box. The car that runs is better than walking 20 miles to get to the only job you can get, or that having a job at McDonald is better than no job at all. When we realize that others have it harder than we do, when we realize that we will never be happy if we fail to appreciate what we already have, we will learn to care for others more than for ourselves. When one makes their life all about themselves, what does that really do for anything? When we are in it for ourselves, we walk on others and they will not help us in our time of need, we will be left in the dust as we cry if we ignore the cries of others (Proverbs 21:13).

When you recognize what you hide from the world, what I hide from the world, you will be more apt to care about what others are going through. When others give you a kind word, does it not make things "feel" better? When you think everything is going wrong and one person tries to help, does it not make it "feel" better? We need to -- yes, me too-- realize that just because the person across the room smiles quickly as you pass by, it does not mean that they happy, they could have it harder than you. Care for others and you will be cared for when you need it most. If you are able to help, if it is no skin off your back to help others, why not help and make a life change forever?

"Penny's Song" - Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blogs

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Here's a story of a girl
Who grew up lost and lonely
Thinking love was fairy tale
And trouble was made only for me

Even in the darkness every color can be found
And every day of rain brings
Water flowing
To things growing in the ground

Grief replaced with pity
For a city barely coping
Dreams are easy to achieve
If hope is all I'm hoping to be

Any time you're hurt
There's one who has it worse around
And every drop of rain will keep you growing
Seeds you're sowing in the ground

So keep your head up, Billy, buddy

Imperfections

God didn't choose us because we are perfect, He chose us because, through our imperfections, we can grow and show the world what He can do. 

I realize that I am not perfect. I am short, come from a somewhat dysfunctional family, and have more insecurities than I have reasons for; however, every single imperfection I have, God has placed within me to enable me to show, through my growth, what He is capable of.

If Jesus chose 12 Pharisees to be His disciples, they would have "known it all." They would have doubted the rebellion that Jesus showed against the norm. Because He chose the tax collector, the habitual liar, the fishermen, the uneducated, and the poor He was able to show that with Him, we can do anything with Him.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.- Philippians 4:13

 Though I have imperfections, insecurities, and fears I will not allow those things overshadow that which God can accomplish in my life. With Him by my side, I can accomplish the things that He has placed in my path to do, the things that I say "I can't do that" to.

Remember always that God knows what imperfections He gave you. He knows that you fear or worry what could become of you due to those imperfections. However, He will use every imperfection for His good and for His glory which He does deserve!

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 "Can't" - Edgar A. Guest

Can't is the worst word that's written or spoken;
Doing more harm here than slander and lies;
On it is many a strong spirit broken,
And with it many a good purpose dies.
It springs from the lips of the thoughtless each morning
And robs us of courage we need through the day:
It rings in our ears like a timely-sent warning
And laughs when we falter and fall by the way.

Can't is the father of feeble endeavor,
The parent of terror and half-hearted work;
It weakens the efforts of artisans clever,
And makes of the toiler an indolent shirk.
It poisons the soul of the man with a vision,
It stifles in infancy many a plan;
It greets honest toiling with open derision
And mocks at the hopes and the dreams of a man.

Can't is a word none should speak without blushing;
To utter it should be a symbol of shame;
Ambition and courage it daily is crushing;
It blights a man's purpose and shortens his aim.
Despise it with all of your hatred of error;
Refuse it the lodgment it seeks in your brain;
Arm against it as a creature of terror,
And all that you dream of you some day shall gain.

Can't is the word that is foe to ambition,
An enemy ambushed to shatter your will;
Its prey is forever the man with a mission
And bows but to courage and patience and skill.
Hate it, with hatred that's deep and undying,
For once it is welcomed 'twill break any man;
Whatever the goal you are seeking, keep trying
And answer this demon by saying: "I can."

Life's Tests - Will You Pass?

Throughout life, we will be given tests. Christians, as I said in my last post, will be tested and tested in their faith; however, that doesn't mean we should give up!

In the last couple of days, I have gotten some disheartening news in regards to my college education. I found out that, even though all 62 credits transferred to my new college, most of them transferred in as elective credits. This being said, some of these credits were transferred in as a direct match to a class that was needed in my new college; however, many of the ones that I needed to transfer in correctly in order to have fulfilled my general education requirements will have to have a petition to prove what I actually learned in the classroom so that it will count at my new college. After receiving this news, I must say that I was so disheartened I began to cry in front of my academic adviser as I thought all my credits transferred and I could continue in the manner as I did in my old college. Also, because of my late date of registration for my classes, I am stuck with full classes and the knowledge that now, because some of my credits won't transfer properly, I will not be able to take my Accounting 301 course; this sets me behind a semester in itself -- not to mention what will happen if the petitions or the syllabuses don't come through for me

Now that I have explained a bit of my problem, I will share with you my lesson.

Before my transformation, I was a worrier. I would stress and stress until my life was consumed with the problem and I wouldn't let it go until it was resolved. While I was speaking to my mother earlier, I recognized myself going back to this. I started to try to fix everything my way, I wanted the classes my way, I wanted to have these classes my way. I lacked the trust that God would take care of my situational needs in that I need to take English 295 and I need my Communication classes to either transfer properly or I must retake it this semester. I have to have other classes, but these two and my statistics class not transferring properly and are keeping me from entering into my major and, thus, I will be a semester behind. I didn't trust that God would find a way to get me into these classes or that he would provide the means for me to get through them. While my trust and faith in God has grown so much, I still am weak. When my hand gets weak and tired, His still has a hold! I was just thinking about this and calmed my heart. Trusting that God will open a door before He closes one. Trusting that no matter what happens, it is in His plan. Trusting that He will provide what I need! I will continue to look for open classes and I will continue to try to get my past syllabuses; however, no matter the outcome, I will trust in God as His way is the path that I will follow; not my own.

In regards to a pass or fail, I'm not sure what you would want to call this. I could have failed, like so many times before, because I lacked the faith and trust in Him. I could have passed because I realized my fault. Either way, an error has been made, and I tried to take back control.


I will leave you with this:
When you are weak and weary, when you feel like you have nothing left to give and you have failed, God will carry you! He will bring you back to the path that you were meant to be on. He will throw things that are to help you realize your faults, not as a slam, but as a helpful hand. Though the unknown are before you, don't let that keep you from Him. Run to Him, all eyes on Him and you will prevail, unlike I did for the past couple of days. We all stumble, we shouldn't rely on others to help us get back up, but we can rely on Him!

Understanding

21 And he said unto them, How is it that ye do not understand ? 22 And he cometh to Bethsaida; and they bring a blind man unto him, and besought him to touch him. 23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought. 24 And he looked up , and said , I see men as trees, walking . 25 After that he put his hands again upon his eyes, and made him look up : and he was restored , and saw every man clearly. 26 And he sent him away to his house, saying , Neither go into the town, nor tell it to any in the town. (Mark 8: 21-26)

 In the Gospel of Mark, Mark tells a story of a blind man from Bethsaida. Though this is a miracle preformed by Jesus as He healed the blind man, there is much more to this story than what meets the eye. 

Within this story, Jesus lays His hands on the blind man twice after asking His disciples why they do not understand who He is and what He is meant to do.  Now, we know that Jesus doesn't make mistakes; thus, there had to be a reason that he would spit on his eyes and only have the man see men like trees that walk. The reason is this, we cannot just see the miracles that Jesus preformed and believe that He is what He said he is, thus the reason for the "do not tell anyone what has happened here" verse. We have to realize that our belief in Him is a two part play. First, we need to believe in His goodness, mercy, helpfulness, and grace. We need to see His miracles happen in our lives and believe that they are miracles. However, if we only do this, we only get half the picture; nothing is clear when you only get half of it. Thus, the second part is that we have to understand and see His death and resurrection. While we, now days, cannot physically see the death and resurrection of Christ, we can understand it. As we read the Bible, to not only skim over or hurry through the beating, but to feel the pain that He felt and understand what you are worth to Him. Then we must see the resurrection! The new life and breath that we are blessed with each day. This is the two part story. 

To have seen and to believe is one thing, to have never seen and to still believe is quite another. 
"Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed : blessed are they that have not seen , and yet have believed ." (John 20: 29)  If we are blessed, as the scripture says, then we must believe with a right mind and a right heart. We cannot merely remember the good and forget the agony; we cannot, as Christians, pretend that they world should love us! They should hate us for being different, they should criticize us and jeer at us! However, we would prefer to be liked and forget the pain and agony that Christ went through to give us life in order for our pain to stop. Who are we to forget that this is more than just miracles, this is also about trusting Him to get you through any pain. 

This two part story is like our two part lives. We only are Christian when it fits us to be so; yet, we want to be so much like the world that we lose site of the Almighty. To be a Christian we must understand that we will go through more pain and have more criticism than others that are "normal." We will have people against us as He had people against Him. If we don't have people against us, we aren't Christians, we are worldly. 

Living Water

When God created the Earth, it was full of still water; It was full of chaos and the unknown. However, when God separated the dry land from the still waters on the third day, He enabled the power of water to take hold.

Water can become a gas, liquid or solid. It has the ability to carve through the most solid rock and land formation. It has the power to overcome that which man has built. It destroyed the Earth in the flood and it continues to destroy cities on Earth through flooding today. However, water is so much more than that!

The human body is made up of around 70% water in total. The brain, that which we hold so dear, and kidneys are around 80-85% water. Even our teeth are made of around 8-10% water. Our muscles, skin, and liver are 70-75% and our lungs and hearts are around 75-80% water. Moreover, our blood is 50% water. If this is the case, then water is of the utmost importance in our lives (the reason we can't go three day's without water or we die).

More than water being important in our world as a system of cleaning, destruction, transformation, and that which enables us to live, water is what God is recognized by - He is the Living Water! John 7: 38 tells us that He is living water. To have water in us as a way to survive is one thing, but to have living water in us is completely different. Living water running through us means that we will never thirst (spiritually), and that our ENTIRE body is devoted to the will of God, not our own. We are made almost entirely of water, and, because of that, the living water would encompass our being and we truly would be the body of Christ.

Never Forgotten

We Are Never Forgotten

 6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered . Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12: 6-7)

In a world where we don't care about others, in a world where nothing matters but yourself, it is easy to feel forgotten. It's also easy to feel like everyone is staring at you. It can feel that nothing is ever good enough in this world; however, you are worth much more than you think you are and you are not forgotten before God.

In relation to God, God will not forget you, ever. It is only how He remembers you that matters for God knows how many hairs are on all of our heads, not just those who believe in Him. Thus, God will either remember you forever as a follower of Christ or a person who does not believe.

Further, it is important that those who believe not get a swelled head because, while we are God's chosen people, believing doesn't mean that we are better than anyone else. We still sin, we still have impure thoughts! All this means is that, because we know that it is a sin, we are actually worse off. Those who do not know about God cannot be condemned for living as the world lives; however, they do no know about God because believer are not witnessing. We should not hold ourselves on such a high pedestal as to think that we are better than anyone else, if anything we should know that we are worse. Still, we are never forgotten! We sinners are never forgotten! To live in a world where being looked over or scrutinized comes all to often, know that God will not forsake you, He will keep you, and never forget you no matter what you do.

When One Door Shuts...

When he opens a door, no one can close it. And when he closes it, no one can open it. 8 I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. - (Revelation 3: 7-8)

 Everyone who asks will receive. The one who searches will find, and for the one who knocks, the door will be opened. - (Matthew 7:8)

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” - Alexander Graham Bell

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When we trust God, He will always set before you opportunities. Some opportunities we will pass by in fear, others we will take and become the happiest we have ever been. God, however, also sets before us choices. Sometime the open door is a test. Sometimes the open door is a chance to go back to the old and familiar, to be with that one person again, or to go back to an old job you left awhile back. The choice we make is our opportunity. If we pass by the old to progress to the new, if we stay out of comfort, then we could gain new knowledge and possibly change lives. If we pass by the old, we could also never discuss with that person their beliefs and show them to Christ. What then do we do when an opportunity/ choice presents itself? I think I have a check list:

1. Go to God First - when you run to God, when you seek first the kingdom of heaven, life will present itself to you. God knows your past, present, and future deeds. He would not put a door in front of you that, with His help, you could not get back on the straight and narrow path. When He puts that opportunity in front of you, no one can close it but Him! God knows we cannot do it without Him as we have little strength. Yet, as long as we live for Him, He will keep us safe.
2. Ask For The Right Answer - God tells us that He wants us to go to Him. He wants us to ask Him what to do when we are stuck. He also, however, wants us to know what to do in the first place. Nevertheless, He will not strike you down dead if you ask for His help. In fact, He welcomes it. If you really want to know the right answer, it will present itself to you. If you really want a situation to happen to glorify God, and you ask and "knock on the door" it will be opened and it will happen. If you want to plant a church, but are stuck in what the first step is, ask God! If you want to go on a missions trip or help a next door neighbor, ask God! He will provide what you need to make it happen to glorify Him. If you want it only to glorify yourself, He may give it to you, just not in your time. (Have you ever noticed that when you feel you really need to find something and you search for it you never find it. It is only when you stop looking that you receive it. This is the same thought process.)
3. Stop Wishing -  When a door that we have either chosen to pass through or pass by closes, we should not regret that decision. We have learned something from that opportunity or choice that we needed to learn in order to continue forward in life. When we look on that past opportunity, that past choice that we wish we could change, and that is all we do, what do we really have in life? Our life then becomes a waste as all we do is sit around wishing that this or that could have happened instead. This is not trusting in God, it is a distrust in Him. I said in my past blog that I have had regret in life and that I wouldn't want to change them because they made me who I am. I will say that if all I did was sit and wish for this and that to have happened, I would not have started the previous blog that brought me closer to God. I would not have spoken to the person that showed me where my fault was. I would not have been kind or considerate to the people that most people think are weird and awkward. Those people have helped me more than "normal" people ever could. 
4. Stop Being Normal - Matthew 7: 13-14 tells us that wide is the path that many will go through. It tells us that it will lead to destruction. This wide path is normalcy. Normalcy is being broke, divorced, drunken, sad, depressed, regretful, helpless, gossipers, narcissistic, and just plan being broken. It also tells us, however, that few will go through the straight and narrow gate that leads to life. Be weird!!! When family is strong, peer-pressure is low; when family is weak, peer-pressure is strong. A family that decides that a family dinner is more important than eating in front of the t.v., a family who decides that a game night is more important than spending money on a four-person family movie night, a family who decides that cooking at home is the best way to save and to become closer will have stronger values. When a college student doesn't do the "normal" thing of partying and drinking every night, when a person would rather read the Bible than watch porno, when a person becomes weird in a God sort of way, weird become better. It is being holy as "holy" means set apart, being different. Be holy as God is holy and be different. Yes you will be criticized. Yes, you will be the butt of all jokes. Yes, you will be persecuted. Yes, you will feel like crap many times. But, work through it as God said that the world will only hate us if we are not of the world. Stop being normal and be weird!!!!

When these four things are accomplished, I have no doubt that you will know the right action to take and that you will take it. To go to God first and ask for the right answer to present itself in His time, to stop wishing for the what if's and could have been's and look at the situation that is occurring now, and to be weird will tell you the best course of action to take. No matter how much they tease you or hurt you, do what you know is right! Stop trying to please everyone as you cannot please everyone, but  you can please God.

Love is Not in the Eye of the Beholder

If any one says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:20)

The last post of my previous blog was "Known by it's Fruits." In this I spoke many words of Soren Kierkegaard. In this post, I will like wise quotes him often. In a compilation of Kierkegaard's works, Works of Love, I found many ideas that are worth sharing and living as they follow that of God's word. In the chapter entited "Our Duty to Love Those We See," I found this thought and metaphor to be extremely helpful in relation to love and loving others. 

Or, suppose there were two artists, and the one said, "I have traveled much and seen much in the world, but I have sought in vain to find a man worth painting. I have found no face with such perfection of beauty that I could make up my mind to paint it. In every face I have seen one or another little fault. Therefore I seek in vain." Would this indicate that this artist was a great artist? On the other hand, the second one said, "Well, I do not pretend to be a real artist; neither have I traveled in foreign lands, but remaining in the little circle of men who are closest to me, I have not found a face so insignificant or so full of faults that I still could not discern in it a more beautiful side and discover something glorious. Therefore I am happy in the art I practice. It satisfies me without my making any claim to being an artist." would this not indicate that precisely this one was the artist, one who by bringing a certain something with him found then and there what the much-traveled artist did not find anywhere in the world, perhaps because he did not bring a certain something with him! Consequently the second of the two was the artist. Would it not be sad, too, if what is intended to beautify life could only be a curse upon it, so that art, instead of making life beautiful for us, only fastidiously discovers that not one of us is beautiful. Would it not be sadder still, and still more confusing, if love also should be only a curse because its demand could only make it evident that none of us is worth loving, instead of love's being recognized precisely by its loving enough to be able to find some lovableness in all of us, consequently loving enough to be able to love all of us. - Soren Kierkegaard (p. 156-7)

 This is an amazing depiction, in my opinion, of how love isn't about just finding someone that we love their imperfections, but also to love everyone despite their imperfects and faults. We all have faults; thus, we should all love each other based on the fact that we all want and desire love and if we should be loved we should first love others.

"When this is the duty [loving your neighbor], the task is not: to find -- the lovable object; but the task is: to find the object already given or chosen -- lovable, and to be able to continue finding him lovable, no matter how he becomes changed." - Soren Kierkegaard (p. 158)

If for one minute you say that you do not love those who know you, if you say that you do not love your neighbor but rather hate him, you cannot love God according to 1 John.

"The Altar and the Door" and Somewhere in Between

Many times in the previous blog, I have posted lyrics by Casting Crowns. Their music and lyrics speak to me and they really touch my spirit. The song "The Altar and the Door" really touches me as it really hits the nail on the head - how can I be sure that I won't mess up between the praise I give at church and when I leave the church to live a daily life. In many ways, this song portrays many individuals lives. Here is a look at the lyrics:

 "The Altar And The Door"

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong way traveling, slowly unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done
My heart is broken

As I cry
Like so many times before
But my eyes
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord, I try
But this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow-through
Between the altar and the door?

Here at the altar
Oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right

Lord, this time I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done
My heart is broken

As I cry
Like so many times before
But my eyes
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord, I try
But this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow-through
Between the altar and the door?

I'm trying so hard
To stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me

Jesus
I'm trying so hard
To stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me

Oh Lord, I cry
Like so many times before
But my eyes
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord, I try
But this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow-through
Between the altar and the door?

When I'm at church learning more of what I don't understand, I know that I'm getting closer to God; however, when I leave, I don't want to let Him down. I want to make sure that I carry through on my words. I want to make sure that I am on the right side, always making the best decisions. I don't want to be stuck in the middle, in the gray area of life, where I would trade a single dream for His. I don't want to feel like my to-do list for my life is better than His. He leads my life, not me. I may think that I want to be an accountant and I want to get my MBA and CPA. I may think that I need to have a great job that provides a lot of money so that I can be secure. I may think that life revolves around my schooling and my career, but it doesn't! Life revolves around the One True God!!!

I don't want to be luke-warm in my faith, I want to be burning with it. I want to abandon to Him, I want nothing more than to live for Him and the path that He wants my life to go. He will introduce me to people who are meant to test me, hinder me, help me, and people that I am to help. I pray that He gives me the ability to know the difference between these individuals. To know who to run from and who to I should stick around to help. Who can tell me who these people are except God, no one. I ask for God to open my eyes, I ask for Him to show me what I am supposed to do with my life and what I can do to serve Him. Let His will be done in my life for the war that is within me is strong and I cannot deny temptation without Him.

A New Start

For the past year, I have been posting updates on my blog called "The Hardest Victory is Over Self." A link to said blog is provided on the side bar. Within the past blog I transformed from a 20 year old girl who thought she had faith ever strong into a girl who finally gave up control to God. I posted for 53 days about lessons that I learned about myself, life, and faith. Finally, I gave up the control over my life that I never actually had; God had control the entire time, I just would not let my illusion of control go. Nevertheless, God helped me find my way to Him. Within the past blog, I laid out a lot about myself and who I was, what my mind thought like. Although I am changed, I am still human. The thoughts that I once conquered, when I am left alone to think, still creep into my mind. Because of this, I have made the title of this blog a title from my last blog; "Sent, Defined and Humbled."

Within the post "Day 18- Sent, Defined, and Humbled," I stated, in a nutshell, this:

In John 1: 6-10, John the Baptist shows why we are on this Earth. We are sent, defined and humbled. We were sent by God to this Earth. We were defined as witnesses. We were defined as witnesses of the verses and the good news to others. Finally, we were humbled in that John the Baptist realized that he was not the one that deserved the glory, God did. God is the light, we are not.

After the rest of the time that I spent on that blog, I realized that I always understood the first two elements of this teaching; however, I didn't always live the humbled life. I made life about me; I forced others to make their lives about me. After the 53 days, I have a new perspective - I deserve nothing in this life except death; however, God's unfailing grace set me free.  I will never measure up to Jesus, I will never measure up to perfect; yet, I know that my sins are forgiven. I am humbled before God in that I know that I am nothing unless He wants me to be. I have nothing unless He wants me to have it. I gain and lose nothing unless He makes it so. All I have is God's, not mine. I shall not make the possessions in this life so important that I would not lay them down to follow God. 

Also, during the past blog, I moved to a new state, Tennessee. New people, new atmosphere, new church, new school, new life, new start. I gave up the comfort of Ohio, the place I've always known, to move to a new place and get out of the land of the ordinary. I am able to be the real me, I am able to show others the me that I've hidden for so long. 

As I said before, I let go and actually changed the path on which my life was heading. I do not have fear for what I will or won't have, I do not worry about my life as I did before. I will trust God always. I know that the path that He has for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) is something that I will trust. There is one area in my life, however, that I find that I continue to fail. I recognize my failure as it occurs. I only stop it after the damage is done in my mind. My past does not define me unless I let it. My past in not my future unless I let it become so. I trust God, I trust He will provide and care for me in every way. If I trust as I say I do, I can not have a "but," "however," or "except;" yet I know that I'm having an issue in an area. I know that I cannot fix it on my own. I know that God will continue to test me in said area, the question is, will I pass the test?  

In light of my change, I have changed my blog. While the past is there never to forget in the old blog so that I can remember what I was, the new will define who I am, not who I was. 

Moreover, because of the new blog, I feel like I should have a new layout/ floor plan in you will of my blog. This change is that, while my last blog was more about the habit of spending time with God, this will not be a habit. This will be a place of praise, thanks, hope, and love. I will focus a lot on love as it is something that I will struggle with as I shall love my neighbor as myself; yet, I don't love myself in the right way to love another in that way. I still have plenty to work on in life, God will help me through it.