A New Start

For the past year, I have been posting updates on my blog called "The Hardest Victory is Over Self." A link to said blog is provided on the side bar. Within the past blog I transformed from a 20 year old girl who thought she had faith ever strong into a girl who finally gave up control to God. I posted for 53 days about lessons that I learned about myself, life, and faith. Finally, I gave up the control over my life that I never actually had; God had control the entire time, I just would not let my illusion of control go. Nevertheless, God helped me find my way to Him. Within the past blog, I laid out a lot about myself and who I was, what my mind thought like. Although I am changed, I am still human. The thoughts that I once conquered, when I am left alone to think, still creep into my mind. Because of this, I have made the title of this blog a title from my last blog; "Sent, Defined and Humbled."

Within the post "Day 18- Sent, Defined, and Humbled," I stated, in a nutshell, this:

In John 1: 6-10, John the Baptist shows why we are on this Earth. We are sent, defined and humbled. We were sent by God to this Earth. We were defined as witnesses. We were defined as witnesses of the verses and the good news to others. Finally, we were humbled in that John the Baptist realized that he was not the one that deserved the glory, God did. God is the light, we are not.

After the rest of the time that I spent on that blog, I realized that I always understood the first two elements of this teaching; however, I didn't always live the humbled life. I made life about me; I forced others to make their lives about me. After the 53 days, I have a new perspective - I deserve nothing in this life except death; however, God's unfailing grace set me free.  I will never measure up to Jesus, I will never measure up to perfect; yet, I know that my sins are forgiven. I am humbled before God in that I know that I am nothing unless He wants me to be. I have nothing unless He wants me to have it. I gain and lose nothing unless He makes it so. All I have is God's, not mine. I shall not make the possessions in this life so important that I would not lay them down to follow God. 

Also, during the past blog, I moved to a new state, Tennessee. New people, new atmosphere, new church, new school, new life, new start. I gave up the comfort of Ohio, the place I've always known, to move to a new place and get out of the land of the ordinary. I am able to be the real me, I am able to show others the me that I've hidden for so long. 

As I said before, I let go and actually changed the path on which my life was heading. I do not have fear for what I will or won't have, I do not worry about my life as I did before. I will trust God always. I know that the path that He has for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) is something that I will trust. There is one area in my life, however, that I find that I continue to fail. I recognize my failure as it occurs. I only stop it after the damage is done in my mind. My past does not define me unless I let it. My past in not my future unless I let it become so. I trust God, I trust He will provide and care for me in every way. If I trust as I say I do, I can not have a "but," "however," or "except;" yet I know that I'm having an issue in an area. I know that I cannot fix it on my own. I know that God will continue to test me in said area, the question is, will I pass the test?  

In light of my change, I have changed my blog. While the past is there never to forget in the old blog so that I can remember what I was, the new will define who I am, not who I was. 

Moreover, because of the new blog, I feel like I should have a new layout/ floor plan in you will of my blog. This change is that, while my last blog was more about the habit of spending time with God, this will not be a habit. This will be a place of praise, thanks, hope, and love. I will focus a lot on love as it is something that I will struggle with as I shall love my neighbor as myself; yet, I don't love myself in the right way to love another in that way. I still have plenty to work on in life, God will help me through it.