"I" - Wanting Something More

"I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am." - John Newton

 "I" is a term we, the general population, use heavily. Looking back on papers that I have written for high school and college, I have found that writing without the word "I" sounds lifeless and academic (not a bad thing in those settings of course). However, I also found that, as I looked at previous blog posts and I thought about my daily interaction with people, that "I" is the most common word that I say. This would make since as I know the more about myself and my experiences than anyone else and I know what I have lived through and, thus, can share it. It would also make since because everyone likes to talk about themselves at some level. However, many people wants to hear only about themselves. If this is the way I come across to the general public, if I talk only about myself, how is the general public hearing about God from me? They aren't.

After realizing that "I" is a very large commonly used, one-letter-word in my vocabulary, I wondered what it would be like to cut out the word "I" for a day. Instead, if every time I wanted to talk about myself, I talked about God what would happen? God would work wonders through me and shine His light through me.


I will try this tomorrow, 12/19/2011; I will not talk about me... I hope this works....



"I" Papers
Okie-Booklady Blog

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, I know."

I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."

I said, "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said, I saw mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "God, but your loved one lives."
And God said, "So does yours."

I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light."

I said, "God, it hurts."
And God said, I know."

Posted on the wall at the
Oklahoma City bombing site
by K. C. and Myke Kuzmic
Stockton, CA

Zoe Life

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life." - Steve Jobs

Death is guaranteed in life. But which form of life do I refer to? Death is guaranteed in, to use the Greek words, bios and suki. Bios is the life that is measurable. For instance, possessions are a reflection of a measurable thing. Suki is the life of our goals and values. Theses to will pass with our earthly death. However, there is another type of life in Greek: Zoe. Zoe is everlasting and eternal (αιώνιον) life like that in John 6:47. 

I can guarantee this truth: Every believer has eternal life. - John 6:47

Without God, everlasting life would not exist. Still, we, as humans, cannot wrap our minds around that which is infinite and everlasting. We cannot wrap our minds around the infinite gift of eternal life that God gave us when Jesus died on the cross for our sins.

This past Sunday, OneLife Church started a series called "unwrapped." It spoke about the heart of Christ and that He had and has a giving heart. I realized that even though I do not understand the eternal gift that God has given me, I should have a giving heart like Christ. I also realized that I do not.

My mother is an individual who would give the shirt off her back to help those in need. She expects nothing in return, not even love. I may criticize her on her relationship or walk with Christ, but she reflect the heart of God more than I do. I do not have a heart that judges in a gracious and giving light, only one that thinks "where did they get the sharpy and cardboard to make that sign" as I pass beggars on the street. This doesn't reflect the heart of the One that I serve or the Lord that I believe in.

The Lord has changed much about me in the past year; still, I must change further. I need to turn away from my cold heart and judgement and reflect the Lord in which I serve. I must completely destroy myself and let Him rebuild me from the inside out. The thing I wish to remain is why work-ethic, but if the Lord sees fit that that must change, He is in control of my life and He will make the change occur within me.

The gift that keeps on giving is one in which I do not understand: Eternal Life.

Power of God - 1 Corinthians 1

We humans think that, because of Science, we know everything. We think that because we can think, reason, and travel in space that we are superior and have superior knowledge. Just because we have the power to reason, doesn't mean that power doesn't come from God.

Einstein himself said that "it is better to believe in a higher power then to stand before Him in the end and to have not believed." A brilliant man still understood he knew nothing. Though he didn't boast in God, he did not boast in himself. In 1 Corinthians, Paul explains just that in his letter to the church in Corinth. As you can read below, Paul states that God will discard our most brilliant ideas and show them to be useless nonsense. Though His way is different from what we want, those who are drawn to Him will believe and find the power that His might power brings.

Paul also says that the the the weakest, most "foolish" things that God could do is still better than the strongest, wisest thing that a human could do. Because of this, He will take the weakest, poorest individuals to show His mighty power to the world so that the world may know that He is King and reigns over all the Earth. Therefore, we should not boast of our might, or our intelligence. We should rather boast in the Lord our God in His might. Go out to others as individuals who are tools to God and the Holy Spirit. When God places His loving burden on their and our hearts, that is when they and we will follow the one true God, not before. We can lead a horse to water, but we cannot make him drink!

To know you know nothing is freedom!

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18 I know very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God. 19 As the Scriptures say, "I will destroy human wisdom and discard their most brilliant ideas." 20 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made them all look foolish and has shown their wisdom to be useless nonsense. 21 Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save all who believe. 22 God's way seems foolish to the Jews because they want a sign from heaven to prove it is true. And it is foolish to the Greeks because they believe only what agrees with their own wisdom. 23 So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended, and the Gentiles say it's all nonsense. 24 But to those called by God to salvation, both Jews and Gentiles, Christ is the mighty power of God and the wonderful wisdom of God. 25 This "foolish" plan of God is far wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God's weakness is far stronger than the greatest of human strength. 26 Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. 27 Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. 28 God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, 29 so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God. 30 God alone made it possible for you to be in Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Christ to be wisdom itself. He is the one who made us acceptable to God. He made us pure and holy, and he gave himself to purchase our freedom. 31 As the Scriptures say, "The person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done." 1 Dear brothers and sisters, when I first came to you I didn't use lofty words and brilliant ideas to tell you God's message. 2 For I decided to concentrate only on Jesus Christ and his death on the cross. 3 I came to you in weakness -- timid and trembling. 4 And my message and my preaching were very plain. I did not use wise and persuasive speeches, but the Holy Spirit was powerful among you. 5 I did this so that you might trust the power of God rather than human wisdom. (1 Corinthians 1:18-31 & 1 Corinthians 2: 1-5, NLT)

Faith

Have you ever felt like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and nothing can help you? Have you ever felt like nothing you do will make the situation better? Have you ever felt that there is no way something can be done? For all of these things, God is the answer.

By no means does this mean that if you believe and follow God that everything will work out your way, it means that you will always have an Abba Father to stand beside you and to comfort you in your troubles.

17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18 But even if he doesn't, Your Majesty can be sure that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."- Daniel 3: 17-18

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Daniel 3 is an amazing chapter in the Bible about the king Nebuchadnezzar and how Shadrach, Mashach and Abed-nego would not bow to an idol. Instead they would rather be thrown into the Blazing Furnace than worship anyone other than their God. As they were given this ultimatum, they stated 17-18 to Nebuchadnezzar and were thrown into the furnace. Once in the flames, Nebuchadnezzar saw that there were not just the three men in the furnace that he placed there, but also a fourth man; this man was Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ saved them as they walked out of the blazing furnace, and all were never to speak against God. 

To think of what those three, brave men did in the face of fear. They stood against a king when all others bowed before an idol and stood, in faith, with God. They trusted God to save them, to rescue them, and He did. But even if He didn't, they would still never have worshiped anyone or anything other than the one true God. 

Is your faith like so many others? Is is just to protect you from hell or would it stand in the face of death? 

If you don't have faith, I encourge you to read the following:

• Daniel 3
• Hebrews 11
• Matthew, Mark, Luke and John (The Gospels).  

Daniel 3 speaks to what I have written in this blog post, and Hebrews 11 speaks to faith in general. Faith is so much more than believing in what you cannot see, it is trusting in God. It is trusting that God will provide for you in any circumstance, and even if He doesn't to still believe that He is there with you and will provide for you in any circumstance. 


This is the kind of faith that I strive for. I am not perfect, no-one is; however, I want to always strive to have a relationship with Christ, not just a "hi-bye" relationship where I only call on Him when I'm in need. This is my struggle, my desire and my faith, what's yours?

Glorify God

1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. 2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.- Proverbs 27:1-2

43 for they loved praise from men more than praise from God. - John 12:43

As I stated in the previous post (Never Enough), we should not care what other thinks of us, yet it is better for other people to praise us, than ourselves. When I said that I will only care about what God or I think of me, I got it wrong. I should only care what God thinks of me, because I am made of sin as others are and I will judge my actions through justification as opposed to the condition of my heart as God will judge me. This life is not about other people but about glorifying God. At a devotional group I attend every Wednesday, a girl named Brooke stated the most life changing statement I have heard to date:  "does this action, no matter how small, glorify God?" If you happen to see a piece of paper on the floor and don't pick it up, how did that action glorify God? I doesn't, it shows laziness (something attacked heavily in Proverbs) and a lack of care about what God has provide you with in this world. The image we want to possess in regard to those around us, the facade that we want to uphold, is only as strong as our relationship with God. When we want to glorify Him and only Him, people will hate you, get used to it. "You cannot serve two masters" has more than one meaning. It not only means money, but self image, others, work, family, self preservation, or anything else in this world that is not Him. 

Never Enough

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

For every time I have said that I was never enough for someone else, I have only hindered myself more. I say this because the question is not if you are good enough for people; the question is are you good enough for yourself and God.  


When it comes down to it, you know who you ultimately want to be. You know who you are now, and you know that you are far from what you want to be (or at least most of us have this feeling). I cannot express to you everything that I want to change about myself; however, those things I want to change make me approachable to someone else. They allow me to speak to others when they need it most. They allow me to understand where others are coming from. Do I still not like those things about myself, of course! I still want to change those things for the better because stagnation will get me nowhere! When I am comfortable with where I'm at in life, this is when it needs to change. Only fools and wise men never change and to say that you are wise makes you a fool because a wise man knows he knows nothing. Thus, I must change, I must have a constant change in my life. Because of that change, I will always be enough in that moment for what I am supposed to be. 


I want a closer relationship to God, one that is exponentially growing. I do not want that relationship to sit idle while I continue on a path that will lead to destruction. A path that I think is the right road may lead to death; thus, I must focus on the one, true God and make that, always, the focus of my life. I do not want this relationship to be stagnate as those from my younger years were. Those relationships grew apart, they are no longer friends, significant others, or acquaintances, they are just a distant memory. This cannot be my relationship with God! My relationship with Him should be ever increasing, ever stronger, and eternal. Thus, the only way I am "never enough" is if I let my relationship with God become stagnate by only worrying about the people who can only do so much damage in this life time. If I let the people in my life rule my relationship with God, if I let other things become more important, if I let my anger, pride, inability to let go of stupid competitive characteristics, or having to be right come in between that relationship, then, and only then, am I not good enough. I must remember that individuals that surround me do not help me in the end, only God can help me, yet he will judge not only my actions, but my heart as well. I must focus on God and become good enough for Him, not you.

If I can talk to others everyday, I can talk to God

Hesitation

Where in life do you hesitate? Is it at work before you hand your boss the big project you been working on hoping it is correct? Is it at school as you write the essay or fill in the bubble hoping it is the right answer? Do you hesitate with your family wondering if you should tell them about how you may lose your job? Do you hesitate around your children thinking that you have to be the best example for them and to keep them sheltered so they do not know the evil in the world? Do you hesitate with God?

To hesitate, as defined by Webster’s Dictionary is as follows:

Definition of HESITATE

1: to hold back in doubt or indecision

2: to delay momentarily: pause

I find that, in my life, I hesitate in relationships. I wonder if I’m making the right decisions in regards to the type of relationships I have with certain individuals. I wonder if my relationship with God is strong enough to make it through the roughest circumstances; would I be like Job? I wonder if I am a good example for those who are searching for hope, love, and faith around me. I wonder if I am making disciples who make disciples or if I am just talking in one ear and out the other. I wonder if what I say matters or if it could change a life. I wonder if what I say affects my relationships in a negative way – what would happen if I talk about God around this person, what would they think? My hesitation come from fear; fear of not being good enough.

1 After this, Paul left Athens and went to Corinth. 2 There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, who had recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla, because Claudius had ordered all the Jews to leave Rome. Paul went to see them, 3 and because he was a tentmaker [leather worker] as they were, he stayed and worked with them.4 Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks. 5 When Silas and Timothy came from Macedonia, Paul devoted himself exclusively to preaching, testifying to the Jews that Jesus was the Christ. 6 But when the Jews opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, "Your blood be on your own heads! I am clear of my responsibility. From now on I will go to the Gentiles." 7 Then Paul left the synagogue and went next door to the house of Titius Justus, a worshiper of God. 8 Crispus, the synagogue ruler, and his entire household believed in the Lord; and many of the Corinthians who heard him believed and were baptized. 9 One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: "Do not [stop] be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. 10 For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." (Acts 18: 1-10)

To the man that many believe to be just like Peter, a rock, God saw his fear: his hesitation. Paul in his daily life (work- not just a disciple, but a leather worker-, church, and his neighborhood) spoke the word of God, yet he was afraid of something for God to speak to it. However, in verses 9 and 10, God gives Paul comfort with three commands and three promises:

1.                   Do not [stop] be afraid	For I am with you
2.                   Keep on speaking	And no one is going to attack and harm you
3.                   Do not be silent	Because many people in this city belong to me

God tells us not to worry about what might happen and who will say or do what, He says continue to speak about Him. We are designed to speak His name in praise and to make disciples who make disciples. This does not mean make a clone of you!! This means make people who are so fired up about God that they have to share what God is doing in their life to everyone else.

Do not be afraid is said more than 70 times in the Bible. Do not be afraid for God is with you! Inspire others to not hesitate and realize that there is no need to hesitate for fear of anything in this world. This world will pass and you will pass also, God is forever and eternity. Cling to Him and care not what this world can do to you. Though it is easier said than done (trust me, I know) we must reach to God as He holds on to us.